Being FAT is ugly... sure you can lie to yourself and others and accept the puddgy midsection like it does not bother you. That's what I did for over 20 years. I knew I was beautiful...despite my weight and demanded others to believe it was ok for me to be obese. However those that really loved and cared for my soul kept pushing me to lose weight even though it made me furious...
In the end I realized that my weight problem was a spiritual problem and I was eating to comfort a wound in my soul. I experienced childhood trauma and ate to comfort myself. When I got married and that did not solve my problems I ate even more. After my divorce I spent most of the time day dreaming about some Prince Charming who would love me and make my problems disappear. Playing Barbie Dolls and wathcing the Notebook did not help form a healthy image for a relationship for me. LOL
However the lifeskills 411 Positive Relationship event did. I realize now what is healthy and what is not. I am learning to create positive relationships and not be so demanding and needy. Righteousness was not an attribute that rules my actions but the needs of a 16 year old girl with a wounded heart did.
God has helped heal me and I hope sharing what I went through will help other young ladies who are overly focusing on a relationship and are unhappy unless they have a boyfriend.
Maybe this reading will help:
Taken from Meditation for the Day from Twenty-Four Hours A Day...by Hazelden.org
'The kingdom of heaven is within you. God sees, as no one can see, what is within you. He sees you growing more and more like Himself. That is your reason for existence, to grow more and more like God, to develop more and more the spirit of God within you.'
I pray to grow more like God and to be guided by His Spirit. I pray my walls will be down and I can love with out reservation righteously eliminating past fears, resentments and insecurities that try to rob me of Gods joy, happiness and peace. I pray that I will find joy in life regardless of the male/female relationships I may have or not have because all things work for the good to those who Love the Lord. I love him and I know he loves me and will work out exactly what I need and when I need it. I can trust God for everything including love, friendship and relationships.
Patience...
Aw Jewels.....that was very honest. It is more common than what we'd like to believe, that the weight will one day "disappear"....but what we fail to realize is that it didn't magically appear. And you have to first, love yourself enough to admit that there is a problem and then work towards correcting it and being patient about it. Which is what I am learning now. It takes time, diligence, and consistancy. And yes, sometimes they do come from a tragedy, but let us not allow a tragedy to end us.
ReplyDeleteOh Amen Risa, The Victory is ours... We can conquer all if on his name we call... and yes it takes time, diligence and consistancy and let me add the grace of God, spiritual guidance and a made up mind. I am not going back to misery... by his grace. I will overcome this and become what he wants me to be. Thanks for the comment I so appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteRisa, I wanted to add how we must accept responsibility for our actions naturally and spirtually. Mr. Parker (no relation) the founder of the You Are a CEO program has often make it clear to me when listening to his speeches that we are the CEO's of our lives. WE are the decision makers, we are the production center that takes care of our lives, naturally , spiritually, financially, all the departments ...its up to us to make good decisions and carry out plans to achieve success or to hide and accept failure.
ReplyDeleteI get fearful... I hate to suffer and I don't like living with our pleasure... eating was a huge pleasure for me and resisting the temptation to indulge in that pleasure has really been a challenge... to suffer just does not come naturally and I can only go with out sweets so long.
When I remove food then there is another strong hold... like shopping and over spending.
I love to put my head in the sand and hide yet there is a white elephant in the living room.
Someone has to deal with it.
I am constantly reminded to surrender my will to God ... but I need people. I need people to love me, comfort me and listen to me. I think food kept me away from allowing people to make me feel better and that is something I want to fix in my life.
I want friends. Friends who know me. I want to feel loved and cared for... rather than run and hide out eating and watching TV.
I am doing so much better and taking a walk and calling or writing are gaining momentum in my life...
Anyway, that's what's on my mind.