WHAT CAUSES US TO EAT WHEN WE KNOW WE SHOULD NOT ?
I HAVE ASKED MYSELF THAT TORMENTING QUESTION FOR 45 YEARS.
I EAT WHEN I KNOW I SHOULD NOT.
I EAT WHAT I SHOULD NOT BE EATING.
RECENTLY AS MANY OF YOU KNOW I STARTED CHEATING ON MY DIET IN FA TERMS THIS IS CALLED I BROKE MY ABSTINENCE. I WENT TO ALBUQUERQUE TO SEE MY NEPHEW GRADUATE AND I BROKE WHILE I WAS THERE WITH BOTH FLOUR AND SUGAR.
I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO RE GAIN MY ABSTINENCE IN ALMOST A MONTH BUT YESTERDAY GOD DID GIVE ME A MAJOR BREAK THROUGH AND I HOPE TO SHARE MY STORY TO ENCOURAGE OTHERS WHO STRUGGLE WITH FOOD RELATED ISSUES.
This picture is me at the graduation. I am smiling but hiding a ragging food addiction. I was here but could not wait to get to the restaurant to eat. My thoughts are so often on what I am going to eat when and how much of it.
Its a sickness. Its a stronghold. But I know Jesus died to save me from this and all of my other sins so I remember to be thankful and never lose hope despite how much I hurt. Its so easy to get discouraged when you can't stay on track but just like overcoming we must continue and like the phoenix rise from our ashes.
Here is my story:
I had almost 60 days of abstinence: (means I had not broken my diet with flour, sugar or quanities):
I went to Albuquerque New Mexico for my nephews graduation. I was going to share the accomplishment of my nephew and be with my family but my thoughts were really on the food and shopping. Its a disease of selfishness and selfcenteredness to always be thinking of ones own needs and desires before the needs of others.
Despite everything my thoughts were on what I wanted and there there was a certain restaurant "Padadeaux" that had food I deeply wanted for my pleasure. Sure I knew it was not on my food plan... especially the Oreo Chocolate Mousse but I kept thinking about it until I made up in my mind I was going to eat it no matter the consequences.
Weight, fat, family, sponsor, commitment, food plan, FA, friends, family , God.
That is how strong the addiction to food, flour and sugar really is. No matter what I was going to eat that food especially the dessert and really I just ate the food to be able to eat the dessert with out shame. Who was I kidding?
My family tried to talk me out of it but despite having to rent a car, keep people waiting and going alone I went to get my fix. Sugar, food and flour are drugs for me. I had to have my crack.
I did not really feel bad allowing myself the food and I have taken the consequences but there was damage done. I let people and myself down. So how do I get back up?
This time I have decided to try spirituality and the word of God rather than FA. My issues are deep and it takes God and his power to deliver me. I need to make up my mind before I waste another sponsors time with my lies and games.
I realized last night after service that I first have to be honest. It is what is is period.
Sin, strongholds, the flesh, the carnal mind ...they are working and what fights this first and formost is reading, praying and staying spiritual.
So yesterday I did some fasting and prayed. My reading was clearer and service that night did deliver me.
Today I can see the break in my abstinence started with the food thoughts. Just like overcoming anything you can't let the thoughts begin. YOU must snip them in the bud right away. Today I know to next time I am attacked with thoughts use a scripture, a slogan or anything to counteract the thoughts... and FIGHT BACK! THIS IS MY LIFE AT STAKE! FIGHT HARD! BE AGGRESSIVE ! AS MY PASTOR BRO. DB SAID "BE BAD" (MEANING TELL THE DEVIL...YOU WANT SOME OF THIS AND MEAN IT). WE HAVE TO RESIST.
TODAY I CAN RECALL: What has helped me in the past is telling myself that the "sugar item" I want to eat is poison for me. The flour items cause me to puff up and I am allergic to them. I then tell myself that food can not comfort my or my feelings what it does is make me fat, ugly and miserable. Eating flour and sugar and overeating give power to the carnal mind and the devil robs, kills and destroys.
So now I understand the trigger... I was in a different place, watching people eat, I had food memories that were very pleasurable. The real deciding factor I had to break my diet was just like Eve in the garden: 1) it was pleasant to the eye, 2) good for food and 3) desired to make one wise. Basically my thoughts were that old crooked serpant making excuses and justifications why I should eat. 1) I am never going to be in Albuquerque again. My sister is moving 2) I am never going to eat this food again and its my favorite 3) no one will know I broke 4) I can lie to my sponsor and decieve him.
This is the serpent and his/her moves... This is what causes to sin or eat when we know we should not be. The carnal mind. The addiction to food... is just another one of his devices.
The Bottom Line is : Man should not live by bread alone but by every word of God.
The Bottom Line is: We must not yield ourselves to sin or to the desires of the mind period.
This is my prayer.
I hope something I have shared helps you if you struggle with food and or sin like I do.
It is what it is.
We can win because Jesus is here!
Wow, if i didn't understand food addiction I would definitely consider my ways. However I can relate to everything you shared here and have the same battles. However we have the tools spiritually and it is only through prayer, and reading the word of god along with faith to know that we can do this if we lean on the Lord.
ReplyDeleteI too lost my sponsor due to not making my phone calls; my excuse was I have a migraine which in fact was true but not preventive enough to make the call.
However in losing my sponsor I had several days to think about it. I had lost 27 pounds in a year, which is a very slow progress considering we should not be eating flour and sugar however since I was breaking and lying about it the progress was not going anywhere.
In time I had to really make up in my mind if this is what I wanted.
I too fasted for a few days as well however prior to that i binged on food like crazy, and ate what came to mind without a second thought (taco's, sandwiches, chips you name it i ate it), then my husband noticed I was so into the food, and made a comment pertaining to my eating and how it changed so quickly, however I was like a crazy woman with food as my drug of choice, and I then realized that I couldn't do this again and that I need the Lord to help me regain my abstinent, and since my husband had been so supportive overall and has continued to provided me a lot of support in food, emotions, tearsI had to consider what was happeing so for that I truly appreciate him for all his support thus far.
This is when I realized I was going to gain the few pounds that I lost and even more if I didn't refocus. I began to be honest with myself and admit that I was lying around my food, not sneaking it thou just lying by omission.
As you stated so clearly the flour and sugar have a crazy effect on me as well, and I am not the same person when I engage in the unhealthy food. So I prayed real hard and got on the phone and started making phone calls again. Asking someone to sponsor me again and mentioned to them that I lie around the food and that I needed help to get around it and be honest.
I currently have a sponsor she lives in Bakersfield and she is very supportive and lets me know that only Jesus can help me in my weakest hour, and when I desire to have the flour and sugar and break (abstinent) that I am getting closer to breaking through the trail / emotion that I've held onto for a while no matter what that emotion was.
I then realized that being here in church is what we being taught the word of god well to put off and put on, to deny the flesh it is our enemey. We know the devices of the mind and that it will do anything to deter me/us from choosing the right way, and if we choose wrong it then my mind does torment me either way. So I would rather suffer the flesh and chose right then suffer my spirit and continue to be miserable. I now realize it is about denying this flesh and I can gain a better life in the lord if I can get past this test.
For me this is my spiritual awakening and the sad part about it is I found that I was weak through the food, this I found as comfort for any reason happy, glad, celebrate, sad, glad or mad whatever the reason I was using the food to comfort me and not the Lord. This was a hard reality to deal with however a real one.
I now find myself planning my meals more appropriately, weighting and measure my 3 committed meals and nothing in between I currently have 8 days of abstinent and praying that it will let the lord guide me spiritually to regain my relationship with the Lord and the dear people of god.